What Would Batman Do?

The Dark Knight, Frank Miller Yesterday, during one of the brief moments where I felt well enough to get off my posterior and _do_ something, my husband and I were bandying about the idea of Batman in Cleveland. It started off as a joke, and then got the “I’m _so_ going to blog this, you know that, right?” We started talking, as only comic book geeks can, about whether or not Bruce Wayne (Batman, for those of you uninitiated to the comic books, cartoons or movies) would _ever_ live in Cleveland.

Sure, there’s plenty Bruce and his Dark Knight alter ego could do here: we’ve got the industrial thing going for us, not to mention biotechnology and plenty of opportunities for charity and non-profit work, so Bruce can make his money (maybe) and throw galas for good. He could put his industrial complexes out in Independence with the other industrial complexes. Just think — he’d bring more jobs to Cleveland than that Quicken guy! We’ve also got plenty of crime and not enough cops, so Batman would have ample activity anytime he wanted it. But it’s not just about the accommodations, it’s also about the city.

For one thing, where the heck would Batman live? Probably not out in the suburbs, since that’s a little too bourgeois for Gotham’s (_ahem_ Cleaveland’s) most eligible bachelor. Would he renovate one of our crumbling warehouses to create an opulent, post-modern loft/mansion? Or would he opt for one of our historic homes, building his own Bat Cave underneath to hide his secret identity? I just don’t know, since part of it hinges on which era of Batman we’re talking about. Personally, I think that [Frank Miller’s Dark Knight](http://www.darkknight.ca/storylines/tdkr.html) would go for the loft/mansion renovation.

Also, _why_ would Batman move to Cleveland? Gotham has it’s share of problems, but how do we rank? If you look at the Plain Dealer, it’s not like we’re doing _that_ bad, right? I mean, it’s not like we’ve got people stealing metal siding to make a few bucks, right? Oh… wait…. I mean, really — we’ve got plenty of problems as a city, but wouldn’t Bruce rather go somewhere warmer? Maybe not. I mean, the Bruce Wayne of [Batman Begins](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0372784/) went to the high, snowy mountains of Tibet to hone his skills, find himself and make an enemy of Liam Neeson. Compared to Tibet, we’re downright tropical! Plus, we’ve got that Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame, right? That makes us cool, right? _Right?_

The question remains: would Batman believe in Cleveland? I’m not sure. The comic book geek in me says no, but only because he’s got his connections to Gotham: revenge for his parents and his deep love for a crooked city. That doesn’t mean we don’t need his help, but maybe we need our own version of this superhero — a caped crusader for Cleveland.

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Published:: 2.27.06 / 8pm

Category:: Cleveland

About

I’m a 29 year-old web designer, artist, gardener, mother-of-one, wife, and human being, living in the West Park area of Cleveland. Politically, I’d be classified as a flaming liberal. I’m one of those strange people that believes in free expression, human rights, keeping the planet around just a little bit longer, and allowing my kid to grow up to a peaceful society. In terms of spirituality, I’m Christian. I used to be Lutheran, now I’m just me.

I’ve been described as a hellion, strong-willed, stubborn, funny, loyal, and a number of things that are a little too blue to put on this page. In a different life I partied hard, drank like a fish, and cursed like a sailor. I still do a few of those things, but with more prudence. I have a fondness for black t-shirts and eyeliner, hairdye, jeans and workboots. I like to go barefoot when frostbite’s not a threat. I tend to be a little sarcastic.

I’m a recovering fundamentalist, a techno-junkie, a DIY-er and a research addict. I devour books as if they’re pints of Ben and Jerry’s. This sickens my spouse.

I have a number of websites including Burning River Studio and Bell Vance Art. I am a compulsive website builder. I love WordPress.

Distracted Mind is where I write down things that don’t belong anywhere else.

Tim Ferris 2.28.06 / 3am

Madame T., had you been at the MTB Salon Sunday, you would not be asking such questions; you would know intuitively that Batman would live in the vicinity of East 55th and Broadway and hang with Dennis Althar. We reached Dennis’ loft through a rolling iron gate, through a huge garage-cave, and up a flight of stairs that zigged and zagged through things like a warehouse and a studio and a workshop into a dwelling, and in a corner of the dwelling was a real phone booth with a Superman suit. Obviously, Dennis has friends in high places and tries to be accommodating. We went on a tour later of a building a few blocks down that is ready for Bat-occupancy. But you know, looking back on it, Batman may already be here, and we may have seen him, and just not realized it.

Daman, Tina's Husband 2.28.06 / 9am

First, I hate you, my dear wife.

Second, I am a purist when it comes to Batman mythology, not one of these Frank Miller or other Johnny-come-lately. Bruce Wayne wouldn’t… shouldn’t be some penthouse apartment playboy. He lives in “stately Wayne Manor.” There is just no really good place in Cleveland for him to have the spread that would be required for Wayne Manor. It would be located out in Gates Mills, Willoughby Hills, Chagrin, or as close as the Gold Coast.

Tina argued that those places would be too far. “How would he see the Bat Signal?” Umm, helloooooo? Batman was always on patrol at night in the city. He would see it while roaming the mean streets and doing his dark knight duties.

He wouldn’t live downtown or any place too close because his route could rather easily be traced by the police and criminals. But, having a bit of a drive to get to the Batcave, he could easily lose any followers on his way to “the burbs.”

WE would be housed in Key Tower. So, he would have labs and a place to throw parties downtown. That I will give you.

Finally, Cleveland has everything that Gotham requires. We have steady crime. We have gothic structures and noticeably decaying infrastructure. Homeless. Seemingly corrupt and/or lacking police force. Varied industrial institutions: shipping, tech, manufacturing, etc.

Cleveland could totally host and support a Batman. The question isn’t whether would Batman “Believe in Cleveland.” Would Cleveland believe in Batman?!

Tina 2.28.06 / 9pm

Tim: you don’t need to make me any more angry at my immune system than I already am! I’m pretty mad that I missed the salon — I missed it because I was sick (again), so I missed the great architecture and conversation. I wish I could have been there.

Daman: You may hate me, love, but I adore you. We’ll just have to agree to disagree on the issue of Batman purism, since I will always have a fondness for the slightly darker Dark Knight. Excellent points.

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What Would Batman Do?

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